Today I was struck by Paul Roth and his new bonus video which he released for the end of VEDA and it affected me for a number of reasons, some of which perhaps more than others. Before I go on, trigger warning for depression. I don't intend to go into specific detail as such but please be warned before you go on.
It's easy enough to say that you often don't know if someone's suffering from a mental illness because many people on a day to day basis learn how to cover it up. (This isn't necessarily because they don't want other people to know but just a coping mechanism for themselves - keep busy and it's much easier to keep at bay.) But then what happens if that person's a YouTuber? For me that struck me hard because though I can't claim to know Paul in a close sense at all, it just went to strike home just how randomly it feels like mental illness can strike. It doesn't discriminate between the different groups in society, it can affect anyone and I think that was a really important realisation that happened for me. It's not that I was ever in denial, no not ever really, but I think as with anything, it only becomes really real when you experience the truth first hand.
Paul's video also gave me further insight into the difficulties that people with depression face. It's easy enough to down play mental illness or to forget it's every day impacts for those who suffer from it when you're not the one who has to deal with it first hand but Paul referring to the month as 'lucky' when from the outset he appeared so collected was definitely something that hit me. It just demonstrated for me that we should never not appreciate the work that people put into any project and the willpower that they exert against forces that aren't in their control to do what they want to do. My hat comes off to all those people and to everyone to some degree because in any creative endeavour, you will always face some sort of hardship whether that be doubting your own abilities or the qualities of your work to even working out how you want to express yourself to actually carrying out that expression. Working past that even against forces which you literally have next to no control over is beyond my comprehension.
Art in all of its forms is a journey and the strength and perseverance that it takes to stay on track is more than it's usually given credit for. When you then factor in mental illness as a road block that is completely and utterly out of your hands, especially in the mornings when you have to often face it head on and get yourself out of bed and busy, I can't fathom just how hard it must've been.
It made me appreciate the amount that I take for granted and the amount of happiness I wish I could share with more people. That's not to say these people are never happy because I don't believe that's true but I wish that I would be more appreciative of the relative high I experience a lot of the time that they don't have the privilege of. I don't believe anyone should wish to have a mental illness because it's one of the largest struggles you can go against, but in some ways it feels like there's no way I can fully appreciate the highs I go through compared to their lows.
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| This picture isn't directly linked to Paul but I feel like it represented for me in a very brief moment, a glimpse into depression. |
That's always, always, always something to remember.
Appreciate everything.
I hope that you guys enjoyed this post! If you did, I'm glad! Definitely go and check out Paul in general because he's an absolutely marvellous and inspirational human being!
I hope that you all have wonderful weekends and I hope to speak to you very soon indeed!
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